Really funny, God. Are you serious?

It appears that God is always serious when it comes to calling His children to serve Him within their giftedness, however, I've been staring in disbelief as I've discovered what God has called me to this time around.  Actually, it isn't so different from the vision He's given me from the beginning.

God and I had a conversation a while back that sounded a lot like this:

God:  Bethany, you are going to serve me in full-time youth ministry.

Me: Uhhh...no, I'm not. (Goes about her business)

God:  Bethany, you are going to serve me in full-time youth ministry.

Me:  Um, yeah, no.  You are kidding!  I'm not going into full-time ministry.

God:  No, really, Bethany.  I'm serious.  I need you to serve me in full-time youth ministry.

Me: I am?

God: Yes.  You are.

Me: Oh.

God: (patiently waiting)

Me:  God, I think I need to serve you in full-time youth ministry.

God:  Yes.  You are.

Me:  I'm going to serve God in full-time youth ministry!!!

That conversation, had in January of 2005, launched me on a crazy journey.  I began talking to people and getting involved in youth events--mainly Student Venture conferences (Campus Crusade for Christ's high school outreach) where I fell in love with what God was doing in the lives of teenagers and later that year, began a 1 1/2 year internship.  In July of 2007 I joined staff full-time where I really connected deeply with high school girls.  I saw kids come to know Jesus in a very personal way and walked through some really difficult issues with them.  I saw a lot of hurt in America's sweet sixteens.

Then my own hurt attacked me from a sidewind.  In the beginning of 2009, my "best friend" from college, in an abusive co-dependent relationship, began to really get into deep depression and reliance on me and her boyfriend.  Me, having my own dependency issues, tried to be her savior.  I was, of course, in ministry, wasn't I?  I had all the answers, didn't I?  I could rescue her, couldn't I, just like I could rescue all of the girls I was working with, right?

Well, it just so happens that the situation didn't turn out that way.  I lost my friendship with this great friend while on vacation with her at Disney World.  It was messy, dirty, and distorted beyond repair.  I was devastated.  Was I rescuing her as a way to rescue myself?  Working with the high school girls became exhausting as I walked through this tragedy in my life and my health went into a downward spiral.

That summer I found myself in Fort Collins, Colorado, taking Bible classes with fellow Student Venture staff.  It had turned into a refuge of being surrounded by like-minded believers--a time for healing and discovering myself.  The pain was worse than any physical pain I had experienced and it only seemed to get worse as I dug deep to find out what weapon had penetrated me so deeply.  By the end of the summer I found myself on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication.  I would cry for hours thinking about going back to my high school girls as I could barely even take care of myself.

My emotional state was taken very seriously by the leaders of the ministry.  After much discussion, and much resistance from me, we decided that it would be best if I moved to Orlando, Florida, to work behind a computer at the national headquarters rather than face to face with the teenagers.  I reluctantly moved...

And then I joyfully stayed.  God opened up, not only the root of my pain that I might heal, but also a view into gifts He had given me which I had been ignoring.  I realized that, yes, I still have a passion for teenagers and women but also a passion and talent for writing, among many other things.

As I prayed about how I could combine my two passions, my financial support for my ministry began to struggle.  I worked fervently off and on for a year to build a team of financial support that would sustain the ministry God had given me.  When instead of growing, my team kept shrinking, I began to look into other options.  What God led me to do was not something I ever expected but seemed only right--leave the ministry.

As of August first, for the first time since January of 2006, I was not getting a paycheck from Student Venture.  I was living ministry partner free.  It's been an odd feeling...until now.

Enter the love of my life, Andrew Marinelli.  We are getting married on December 30th.  Both of us have been praying about God's leading for our life and work since we first became serious 5 1/2 months ago.  About 2 1/2 months ago, Andrew mentioned that there was a job he was interested in with a ministry called New Tribes Mission working as a mechanic.  He mentioned that he'd have to raise financial support.  I laughed inside.  "Uh-uh.  No way." I thought to myself.  Out loud it sounded more like, "well, it's something to look into but I don't know how I feel about the support raising thing. I'm so weary of that life right now."

As it time went on and job searches kept going forth, NTM kept coming up.  As it turned out, Andrew heard of a writing job for me in the same ministry.  "No way," I thought.  "I'm not raising support again."  I looked into it just to honor Andrew, figuring that I could say I looked and that I wasn't interested.  The only problem was that I really was interested!  I started to laugh at God and having the same conversation as before.  "No way.  You're kidding, God, I'm not rebuilding a financial ministry team again," to which God's reply was the same as before, "Yes, Bethany, you are."

Unlike any other time when I've seen something I liked (like the moment I first saw Andrew for who he is), I couldn't accept it right way.  It took a lot of prayer and research and questions asked before I could really commit.  God brought me through this journey, brought me out of ministry so that I could write, and then brought me right back into ministry...so that I can write.

My life over the last few years has been a lot of tears and pain, a lot of healing and rejoicing, and a lot of very uncomfortable changes.  All of this so that I could be right where God wanted me so that I could follow the dreams that I always thought I could never live out.

God may have a sense of humor but He also knows the plans for our lives.

Proverbs 3:5-8 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,   and do not lean on your own understanding.In all your ways acknowledge him,   and he will make straight your paths.Be not wise in your own eyes;   fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.It will be healing to your flesh   and refreshment to your bones.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.

When God Shows His Face

Over the course of our relationship, Andrew has been seeking God's will for his job and praying for provision.  One of the things that drew me to Andrew is watching him follow Christ in this process.  As he saw the Lord leading him to an auto-mechanics job for New Tribes Mission, a ministry that seeks to build churches amongst unreached people groups around the world, at their headquarters in Sanford, FL, he began to wrestle with some deep theological questions.  The way God met him with peace came by unlikely means.

One thing that I've learned about Andrew is that I must be patient.  This is especially important as I prepare to be his wife I anticipate a constant waiting.  Andrew is very thorough in decisions that he makes for his life.  Once he had told me that he liked me, it took a week for him to find peace about beginning a relationship with me.  I felt overwhelmingly valued as he sought to honor my heart in his leadership under Christ.  The same was true as he prayed about asking me to be his wife.  When the day came for his marriage proposal, I knew it was because God had given Andrew the complete peace that our marriage would be a union under Christ.

It didn't surprise me that when Andrew was given the opportunity for a job working on cars as a full-time ministry, that he wouldn't take this decision lightly.  He reviewed the organization--the mission, values, and vision for ministry--that he would be a part of something he felt entirely honored to represent.  Being so thorough in his decision making, Andrew is a very deep thinker and, in my opinion, very intelligent.  Therefore, some deep theological issues came up in his time praying about ministry which he began to wrestle with deeply.  It was difficult for me to watch him walk through a time of being so significantly without peace.  Andrew would get so exhausted from studying God's Word and seeking him for answers that, even though he was off from work for several days, he was just as exhausted as if he'd been working on cars for 12 hours each day.  There came a point when he was wrestling so deeply that something had to give.

Andrew had sought out men whom he respected from the church to discuss his struggle.  This was helpful but I finally suggested to him that he contact the man with whom he'd been in contact with at NTM.  God also kept putting a friend of mine from my time with Student Venture (Cru) on my heart as we discussed the issues he was having.  I contacted my friend who gladly agreed to meet with Andrew.  That all set up, Andrew was beginning to feel a bit better about what he was wrestling with.

The day before he was to confer with these two men concerning his questions, he was working at the shop.  It was another slow day--no work means little income--and therefore, frustration.  Then the man who collects the used oil from the shop arrived.

He had seen the Bible sitting in Andrew's car and asked about it.  Acknowledging it as his own, the man proceeded to tell Andrew about how God had transformed his own life.  Standing in the shop, the oil collector and the auto mechanic, the man asked if Andrew would like for him to sing the 23rd Psalm to him.  Finding this an odd request--wouldn't you?--Andrew said, "Oh, that's ok."  The man insisted.

As he sang, Andrew told me that something began to change in him.  Yes, the man had a good voice--good tone quality and control.  He sang well but it was more than just the music.  It was the peculiarity of the situation--the oil collector and the auto mechanic standing in the shop, one singing the 23rd Psalm to the other--that illuminated God's presence in the midst of it all.  As I understand it, there was something about the song--the revelation of God's word in the most unpredictable of places--that allowed the Holy Spirit to wash over Andrew with peace of his omnipresence and faithfulness.